2 posts tagged “social”

View other items tagged “social:” Photos, Audio, Videos, Books or Links. View “social” on Vox.

Cell Phone Etiquette

 I have written before, elsewhere, about cell phone use. I figure I'll revisit the issue. And I invite others to point to this as my contribution to "Emily Post" style modern etiquette.

Using a Cell Phone
by the Admiral

Cell phones are a modern convenience in today's society. Both adults and kids rely upon this convenience daily to connect with friends and family, download content from the Internet, and text-message one another. It can be a lifeline in an emergency, and a staple of modern work. Yet as ubiquitous as the cell phone may be in modern society, everyone has not been so well-versed in how to use a cell phone with regards to respect and manners.

Respect to those around you and the damned phone.

Funny thing, those cell phones, they say who is calling. And many of the good ones allow you to scroll through a list of previous callers at your convenience.

Here's the golden rule: the people you are with (in person) are more important than those potential callers. Heed more respect and attention to those in person.

  1. Unless you are by yourself, or around very polite company, turn the ringer off.
  2. Don't answer the phone while in the company, and especially the home, of others.
  3. If the phone rings, don't look to see who is calling, unless, of course, you are expecting an emergency call, or a call that will change your plans and those whom you are with.
  4. Only reply to texted-messages if you are in a large group, and attention is elsewhere in the room (consider: a large dinner party at a restaurant, a large corporate meeting, etc.)
  5. Do not initiate text messages to others when in the company of others.
  6. Do not initiate phone calls in the company of others, unless their input or participation is requested.
I personally find it rude when folks answer a phone in my home, my car, or during a meeting at work. When it's in their car, or their home, I have less domain to complain, but it can be equally rude. Etiquette suggests that you remove yourself from the "party" when making private calls, and the same should go for cell phones, even though the phone itself isn't located out of sight.

These scenarios suggest polite uses of cell phones:

  • [Phone vibrates.] You check the call. "Everyone, excuse me for a moment, but my mother is calling about my dad's progress at the hospital." You take the call outside the purview of others.
  • [Phone rings in car.] You turn the ringer-off function on.
  • [Phone vibrates in your bag at a restaurant with another couple.] You ignore the vibration, unless it calls especial attention to itself.
  • [Phone rings in a company meeting.] You check the phone, and it's your son. You take the call. NOT! Don't answer the phone! Turn it on vibrate, or to "OFF."
  • You're on a date. You receive a text message. [Phone beeps quietly.] You check the message when your date uses the restroom.
It's tough wrestling with technology that demands our attention with beeps and vibrations. But consider the feelings and kindness of yourself and others when the thing rings. By answering calls, checking messages and phone feedback when in the company of others, it tells them "You don't matter as much to me," or "my time with you isn't all that valuable."

I've been with people who play it both ways. I'm impressed with those who save the calls for later. Personally, I'd rather leave you a message, as the external caller, than interrupt your date, meeting, or socialization with others. What an ass you feel when someone says "Oh, I'm on a date right now. Can I call you back later?"

Sure, but my apologies go to your date.

Post a comment Tags: phone, social, cell phones, etiquette

Fear of Commitment, or a West-Coast State of Mind?

It's 4:30 AM and I'm writing. Not because I want to, but I did wake up, and this, among other things, was on my mind. Quite active is the mind when  sleeping, I gather, dealing with all sorts of issues as we snore, toss, and turn.

This is the thing: I think a friend of mine has a fear of commitment. Or else, she badly needs an appointment book. Or, well, I suck so bad I don't warrant a commitment. Or, maybe, that's just the way things work on the west coast.

My friend moved to California months ago. When she came home months later, she and I could never pin-down a particular time/date to see one another. "Let's hang out..." Yeah, let's, but after first establishing a time frame, she found other plans during the same time and went to play poker.

I wasn't too bothered by it, because I planned to visit her in California in a few weeks. And I did--and it was a great time.

Now she's back for Christmas, and has left me two messages "let's get together." Okay, and through instant messages, I let her know that I was available on or after December 27. So, when we chatted, she told me her free times were Saturday "before the football game" and "all day Friday."

I proposed making dinner on Friday because she could never figure out when this game aired on television. For all I knew, she was a cheerleader and had to be there, live and in person.

But she wouldn't commit to this--her Internet connection was flakey.

So, I call her the next day and leave a message. Felt so formal. Her voice mail kicks in... and I once again formally propose Friday evening. She calls me back in 25 minutes, and we chat for some time. "Hey, dude... Friday night isn't going to work... I am going to play poker!"

Okay, poker again. Deja-vu.

"But I can do lunch on Saturday." Getting to that Saturday lunch part took time. I tried confirming this Saturday time three times. I agreed it would be nice to see her on Saturday, and lunch would be great, yadda, yadda, yadda.

So when the phone call finally closed, this is what she said:

"Hey, so I gotta go... I'm going to a friend's house. So, like, call me sometime if you want to hang-out on Saturday or eat lunch, or whatever."

I was stupefied. All I could say was: "Ah, okay. Goodbye."

Now I mention this in the following context. Just the evening before, she told me I "was so organized," which I am not, but she feels I am. I told her I like to establish points along a timeline where I've committed myself to appointments and obligations, which allows me to have personal time around. This allows me to have "cubbies of time" to do things.

I was trying to establish a time with her on the preverbal, everlasting timeline of our lives. I had told her just 23 hours prior about this practice, yet, even when talking on the phone just some 33-40 hours before a potential meeting, no commitment could be made.

I could have stood my ground, of course, and said "I'm sorry. I need a commitment from you now," but I fear this would have been too harsh.

Of course, her reading this online won't likely sit too well, but I am sorry. It bothers me so to present itself to me in a night of insomnia. and whatever my brain thinks is important bullies itself out of concern for politeness.

So, here are again those concerns:

  • Does she fear a commitment of time?
  • Is this now her new, adopted way of establishing social events?
  • Did she consider my first proposal before poker, and then when weighing the two options choose poker?
  • Do I need to be more forward and arrest time commitments from her?
  • Am I overreacting to a newly instituted, California-style state of mind?


I don't watch the so-called program "The O.C." so I do not know.

She might say "Dude, you're overreacting, take a pill of chill!" After all, if she perceives my discomfort of not establishing fixed dates in time as moody, she'll likely drop me from her A-list. Maybe that's what it is... I'm not on the A-list. A-list friends get firm commitments of her time, and B-list friends get wishy-washy "so call me if you want to hang out" type of commitments.

Who knows. But writing this helps my mind by putting this to at least some state of rest.  I cannot change, I like my fixed points in time.

Post a comment Tags: friends, social, rants, commitment