2 posts tagged “rants”

The double-U. What a letter. It's got mystery, class, and an all-around upright character that just screams "excess" and luxury. No, I'm not writing about the W-hotel chain, but the letter. Come on, live a little... come with me...

It's also an iconic letter... like an S. Or an X. Two Vs, or somehow Us... and my favorite "W" word? Worthless.

I know about the Darwin awards. But I'd like to propose we start a "Worthless" awards. You get a Willy Wonka-style gold invitation... gold leaf all the while.. with the big iconic W. And what does it say?

"You have been deemed Worthless, for at least a day. Youv'e done something so idiotic or at the very least num-brained, that you are here-by recognized for your stupidity."

Your hand will feel the raised W. It will be hard-pressed into the thick card stock. Covered in shiny gold. You'll admire its sheen and its texture. Then you'll feel sick, because your friends have called you stupid. Will you save it? Or throw it away? After all, it is beautiful. Donald Trump might have designed it. Hell, he could have earned it. Then again, how many people keep reminders that they've been fools?

The choice will be a dicey one.

I'd like to give one to the girl that has misspelled my name twice. To the awful waiters I've had in restaurants. To the idiots on the road. To the bad baristas at Starbucks. Like the one the other day that so did not deserve any tips. I had my hands full... multiple drinks... and a bag of goodies.. and she couldn't help me by putting the hot sleeve on the cup. They do that no matter what at the other store. But not her. She just looked at me in my condundrum, and smiled.

W.

It's 4:30 AM and I'm writing. Not because I want to, but I did wake up, and this, among other things, was on my mind. Quite active is the mind when  sleeping, I gather, dealing with all sorts of issues as we snore, toss, and turn.

This is the thing: I think a friend of mine has a fear of commitment. Or else, she badly needs an appointment book. Or, well, I suck so bad I don't warrant a commitment. Or, maybe, that's just the way things work on the west coast.

My friend moved to California months ago. When she came home months later, she and I could never pin-down a particular time/date to see one another. "Let's hang out..." Yeah, let's, but after first establishing a time frame, she found other plans during the same time and went to play poker.

I wasn't too bothered by it, because I planned to visit her in California in a few weeks. And I did--and it was a great time.

Now she's back for Christmas, and has left me two messages "let's get together." Okay, and through instant messages, I let her know that I was available on or after December 27. So, when we chatted, she told me her free times were Saturday "before the football game" and "all day Friday."

I proposed making dinner on Friday because she could never figure out when this game aired on television. For all I knew, she was a cheerleader and had to be there, live and in person.

But she wouldn't commit to this--her Internet connection was flakey.

So, I call her the next day and leave a message. Felt so formal. Her voice mail kicks in... and I once again formally propose Friday evening. She calls me back in 25 minutes, and we chat for some time. "Hey, dude... Friday night isn't going to work... I am going to play poker!"

Okay, poker again. Deja-vu.

"But I can do lunch on Saturday." Getting to that Saturday lunch part took time. I tried confirming this Saturday time three times. I agreed it would be nice to see her on Saturday, and lunch would be great, yadda, yadda, yadda.

So when the phone call finally closed, this is what she said:

"Hey, so I gotta go... I'm going to a friend's house. So, like, call me sometime if you want to hang-out on Saturday or eat lunch, or whatever."

I was stupefied. All I could say was: "Ah, okay. Goodbye."

Now I mention this in the following context. Just the evening before, she told me I "was so organized," which I am not, but she feels I am. I told her I like to establish points along a timeline where I've committed myself to appointments and obligations, which allows me to have personal time around. This allows me to have "cubbies of time" to do things.

I was trying to establish a time with her on the preverbal, everlasting timeline of our lives. I had told her just 23 hours prior about this practice, yet, even when talking on the phone just some 33-40 hours before a potential meeting, no commitment could be made.

I could have stood my ground, of course, and said "I'm sorry. I need a commitment from you now," but I fear this would have been too harsh.

Of course, her reading this online won't likely sit too well, but I am sorry. It bothers me so to present itself to me in a night of insomnia. and whatever my brain thinks is important bullies itself out of concern for politeness.

So, here are again those concerns:

• Does she fear a commitment of time?
• Is this now her new, adopted way of establishing social events?
• Did she consider my first proposal before poker, and then when weighing the two options choose poker?
• Do I need to be more forward and arrest time commitments from her?
• Am I overreacting to a newly instituted, California-style state of mind?

I don't watch the so-called program "The O.C." so I do not know.

She might say "Dude, you're overreacting, take a pill of chill!" After all, if she perceives my discomfort of not establishing fixed dates in time as moody, she'll likely drop me from her A-list. Maybe that's what it is... I'm not on the A-list. A-list friends get firm commitments of her time, and B-list friends get wishy-washy "so call me if you want to hang out" type of commitments.

Who knows. But writing this helps my mind by putting this to at least some state of rest.  I cannot change, I like my fixed points in time.