3 posts tagged “music”

I just read something online that piqued my interest. It was the "about" page, or more formally, a "mystory" page about a 27-year old blogger.

He talked about going to therapy, goals for life, etc.

And before this I listened/watched a YouTube! video of Bach played by Glenn Gould.

Now I'm listening to Glenn on my hi-fi, thinking about the reading. The music talks to you.

Some years ago I wrote a long letter to my mother, and in that letter, I mentioned that the music spoke to me. Not like "Kill the guy down the hall, now!" so to say, not in a demonic, eerie type of way. But music (specifically here, the music of Bach) spoke of truths. I have abandoned that thought, until again, tonight.

I guess the music is so good that we might let ourselves believe whatever drifts into our minds.

But imagine if you will, if this piece of music (one of the WTC played by Gould) were a sage, a visitor, or a therapist.  Yes, it's not speaking English. But through Gould's interpretation, it is in fact conveying a type of human communication - a message - and while abstract, it is rich in what it says.

I think I like to contemplate my lot in life with music like this. The music, perhaps tells me how well or not I am doing.

What makes me so sad about this reflection is how solitary this exercise is. For all the things I wish for in life, from the material, to the gustatory, to whatever else, I wish I could share this experience of attempting understanding of this divine music with someone else. I sometimes dream about what it would be like to sit, side by side, and talk about what is being said--or suggested--within the music.

Or maybe Glenn's sing-along is just giving me some bad vibes.

What is it about permission--specifically, about being told "no" when you either want to be told "yes" or not questioned at all? As we grow up, as children, we are often told "no" by parents, who either control the money, or know best regarding this situation, or that. "I want a bike!" I yelled. And mom said "No, you should save some money so you can help pay for half."

I imagine myself sitting there, dumbfounded... how I would be able to save-up half the money for that shiny bike. Seeing other kids get the bikes made the experience all the more painful.

As an adult, I no longer ask permission. I figure I am the adult, and I don't need it. Yet, in times like tonight, I'm still told that most-feared word: "No!" How frustrating it is to be told you cannot buy something. I had a $180 fancy noise-filtering surge protector for my stereo in my hands... "You can't buy that! How much is that? Oh no, put it back."

Next was a demand to know what it did. "Well, we don't need that." We. I paid for the stereo. And I intended on paying for this surge protector, too, but I was told, "You can't have it."

So, yes, bitter here I sit. Wondering how much "cleaner" the hi-fi would sound with the surge protector. I already have an investment in $450 for cables, why hold back on $180 for the improvement in power? I have thousands of dollars worth of equipment hooked up right now through a $14.99 plastic power strip. It doesn't make sense.

I don't wnat to spend the money either, but I feel I have an obligation here.

In the car, on the ride home, I heard detailed reasons why I could not buy that device. The amount the car repair cost today. The amount of the upcoming vacation. The home repairs. The amount I already paid to upgrade the hi-fi. Then the dismissive tone: That thing isn't going to do anything, anyhow, you know...

Not only do kids and their parents have money problems, but couples fight too. My mom was a big saver, and my dad the spender. I have friends who are married and split everything. They don't share one cent in a joint account. They both accept responsibility for their own debt.

I understand the good intentions in holding me back. But I also feel I deserve it. I win an award. That's grounds for some element of celebration, right? Why not a surge protector to insure the investment in hi-fi hardware? I've felt nasty for the past week with sinus problems... allergies... why not "pull myself out" of the doledrums with a little stereo upgrade? Why not just look at it as an investment in my passion?

If you are reading this, and trying to decide who is "right" here, you are likely to take one of two sides:

• I am lucky to have someone in my life who is concerned with my financial health, and is willing to stand-up to me, and even upset me, to ensure my financial welfare.
• I shouldn't need a reason to buy something. I am an adult and no spouse, partner, or loved one should stand in the way of telling me what I can do... at least at this type of issue, and price-point.

It's difficult, for sure. Difficult in balancing desire, want, and responsibility and the knowledge that someone you care about is standing in your way.

I should add some detail to demonstrate the complexity. Another mall store sells a massaging device for $300. And I love getting my feet rubbed. No one in a 10-mile radius here likes rubbing my feet. The "NO!" character has a $50 gift certificate for the store that sells the foot-joy machine. "Go get that machine, I'll give you my card" has been uttered.

I wince at the thought of spending that money on something so personal and indulgent. But spending $250 plus a $50 gift card, some how, is a "yes" versus the $180 stereo "upgrade" is a pass. Maybe its just my history. Growing up, my parents always had credit card debt. They routinely carried $2000 on their cards, collectively. Yet every few months, I'll hear "Goodie! We're debt free once again..." or "you're debt free again... let's keep it that way."

Yet if I die tomorrow, who cares. Yes, I do think like that.

I know my desire is true and just. I know debt-free living is in my best interest.

I just want an über-stereo. I can't afford the next $1000 upgrade now. I know that. But I thought $180 was reasonable. No?

Today I drove to an independent Mac store to buy an ElGato EyeTV 610 to record tv shows.

They didn't have any. "We can order one," they said. They never sell anything. How do they stay in business? I can order it too, jackasses.

I wanted it now.

I wanted a home media solution, something better than Apple TV. I was set to buy the El Gato, plus a Mini, plus a hard drive. Busted. No go today.

And so then I returned to my stereo setup. Maybe I should spend the dough on the stereo.

After network issues with iTunes/Airtunes, it all worked perfectly this afternoon. I got my groove on using the Apple Remote.

Tonight, more problems. Then it just started working, but then the phone came into use. It's a Motorola 5.2 Ghz model. What the hell? Use that phone, and the streaming is dead. Hang-up, hello tunes.

I haven't spent thousands on my hi-fi to have this shit/crap/stinky network problem ruin my day. But it did. Wireless sucks some serious ass.

Options await.

1. Use a wired solution, by stringing some Cat-5 cable across the house, and between floors. I'd need help.
2. Buy a new N-capable Airport Extreme.
3. Buy a Mini music server and put it in the family room with the hi-fi instead of using AirTunes.
4. Replace my amigo's computer with a laptop, and move his computer downstairs with the DAC.

Yes, I'm having serious Apple lust pains. This weekend everyone's getting Apple TVs. Argh. I simply don't find it compelling on its own. I played with one at the store and left unimpressed.